The Ultimate Guide to Effective Parenting
Although one of the most challenging and rewarding occupations, raising children is also the one for which you may feel the least prepared.
By following these nine child-rearing strategies, you can increase your parental satisfaction.
1. Encourage the Development of Your Child's Self-Esteem
Infants begin to form a sense of self when they perceive themselves through the eyes of their parents. Your children assimilate your body language, tone of voice, and every facial expression. More than anything else, your words and actions as a parent influence their developing self-esteem.
Acknowledging achievements, regardless of their magnitude, will engender feelings of pride; granting children autonomy will foster feelings of capability and fortitude. In contrast, disparaging remarks or unfavorable comparisons between children will lead to children experiencing feelings of worthlessness.
Prevent the use of fraught statements and language as weapons. Comments like "What a stupid thing to do!" or "You act more like a baby than your little brother!" cause harm just as physical strikes do.
Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes blunders and that you still love them, even when you don't adore their conduct.
2. Catch Kids Being Good
Have you ever paused to think about how many times you react negatively to your offspring in a given day? You may find yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a supervisor who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned?
The more effective approach is to capture toddlers doing something right: "You made your bed without being asked — that's terrific!" or "I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient." These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long haul than repeated scoldings.
Make a point of discovering something to praise every day. Be lavish with rewards — your affection, embraces, and compliments can work miracles and are often reward enough. Soon you will discover you are "growing" more of the behavior you would like to see.
3. Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline
Discipline is necessary in every household. The aim of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and acquire self-control. They may challenge the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.
Establishing house standards helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some restrictions might include: no TV until homework is done, and no striking, name-calling, or spiteful taunting permitted.
You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a "time-out" or loss of privileges. A common error parents make is not carrying through with consequences. You can't discipline toddlers for talking back one day and neglect it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.
4. Make Time for Your Kids
It's often challenging for parents and kids to get together for a family supper, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing youngsters would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can consume breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren't receiving the attention they want from their parents often act out or transgress because they're bound to be noticed that way.
Many parents find it rewarding to schedule together time with their offspring. Create a "special night" each week to be together and let your kids help determine how to spend the time. Look for other methods to connect — place a note or something special in your kid's bento.
Teens seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger kids. Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and adolescents to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to speak or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your adolescent communicates compassion and allows you get to know more about your child and his or her peers in important ways.
Don't feel remorseful if you're a working parent. It is the many little things you do — preparing popcorn, playing cards, window browsing — that kids will remember.
5. Be a Good Role Model
Young toddlers learn a lot about how to conduct by observing their parents. The younger they are, the more signals they receive from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be aware that you're continually being observed by your offspring. Studies have shown that children who strike usually have a role model for aggression at home.
Model the traits you desire to see in your kids: respect, sociability, honesty, compassion, tolerance. Exhibit altruistic behavior. Do tasks for other people without expecting a reward. Express gratitude and offer compliments. Above all, treat your offspring the way you expect other people to treat you.
6. Make Communication a Priority
You can't expect kids to do everything merely because you, as a parent, "say so." They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don't take time to elucidate, kids will begin to ponder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their kids enable them to comprehend and learn in a nonjudgmental manner.
Make your expectations explicit. If there is a problem, describe it, express your emotions, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be careful to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be amenable to your child's suggestions as well. Negotiate. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.
7. Be Flexible and Willing to Adjust Your Parenting Style
If you often feel "let down" by your child's behavior, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations. Parents who think in "shoulds" (for example, "My kid should be potty-trained by now") might find it beneficial to read up on the matter or to speak to other parents or child development specialists.
Kids' environments have an effect on their behavior, so you might be able to alter that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself continually saying "no" to your 2-year-old, look for methods to alter your surroundings so that fewer objects are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you.
As your infant transforms, you'll progressively have to alter your parenting approach. Chances are, what works with your child now won't work as well in a year or two.
Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their classmates for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your adolescent to earn more independence. And grasp every available opportunity to establish a connection!
8. Show That Your Love Is Unconditional
As a parent, you're responsible for correcting and instructing your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it.
When you have to confront your child, avoid accusing, criticizing, or fault-finding, which harm self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when disciplining your kids. Make sure they know that although you want and expect greater next time, your affection is there no matter what.
9. Know Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent
Face it — you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and limitations as a family leader. Recognize your abilities — "I am loving and dedicated." Vow to work on your deficiencies — "I need to be more consistent with discipline." Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your companion, and your offspring. You don't have to have all the answers — be forgiving of yourself.
And strive to make parenthood a manageable task. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than attempting to address everything all at once. Admit it when you're worn out. Take time out from parenthood to do things that will make you joyful.
Focusing on your requirements does not make you egocentric. It simply implies you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your offspring.