Gentle Parenting Strategies Every Parent Should Know

Kind Parenting: What Is It?

In short, gentle parenting means prioritizing the understanding and sensitivity of parents over the use of traditional sanctions. Empathy, comprehension, and respect are the three main pillars of a gentle parenting strategy.

Overview

Sarah Ockwell-Smith popularized the concept of gentle parenting in her book The Gentle Parenting Book. The terms "mindful parenting," "respective parenting," and other good parenting techniques are occasionally used interchangeably. While not exactly the same, both methods stress parents' empathy and understanding rather than rigorous rules or severe penalties, with the aim of assisting kids in becoming self-sufficient, self-assured, independent, and happy adults. Kind parenting is basically the same as what developmental experts call the authoritative parenting style, which is the one that is most effective for promoting healthy child development.

A two-way relationship between parent and kid is necessary for gentle parenting, in which the parent is neither overly controlling nor excessively detached. In addition to meeting their child's needs, parents establish limits and expectations that correspond with their developmental stage. By setting an example of compassion, respect, and emotional self-control, parents inspire excellent conduct in their children.

The Gentle Parenting Approach's Three Main Elements

• Empathy is the ability to place yourself in your child's position in order to comprehend what wants or feelings are driving their actions. For instance, a child may throw a tantrum due to hunger, exhaustion, scheduling adjustments, changes in routine, or a desire to spend more time with you.

• Understanding: Taking into account your child's needs and actions in relation to their developmental stage, including their emotional and behavioral maturity. For instance, although weeping uncontrollably on the ground may not be an appropriate way for an adult to express dissatisfaction, it is more appropriate for little toddlers whose emotional regulation skills are still developing.

• Respect is the ability to treat your child the way you want to be treated. Instead than dictating, parents concentrate on instructing and leading. They refrain from giving orders, condemning, chastising, or prohibiting. A parent might gently provide an alternative or explain why a behavior is inappropriate in place of shouting or telling their child "no" (e.g., "When you throw sand at someone, it can hurt them and they might get upset. Can you practice throwing sand in this bucket instead?").

• Gentle parents use these techniques in an effort to support their kids' development of self-regulation, independence, and confidence in their capacity to handle challenges and everyday activities. They also hope to make their kids feel validated in their ideas and feelings.

Discipline And Kind Parenting

Calm parenting is not a method that lacks boundaries or discipline. Similar to authoritative parenting, gentle parenting is a compromise between authoritarian parenting, in which the parent maintains control and discipline is rigorous, and permissive parenting, in which the kid has more control. Gentle parenting emphasizes consistency and control, but it also values respect, empathy, and understanding. This creates a healthy disciplinary balance that includes the kid and encourages interaction and conversation between parents and children.

Establishing age-appropriate limits is a key component of gentle parenting discipline, also known as authoritative discipline, which aims to teach kids proper and regulated conduct. In addition to encouraging autonomy and independence, gentle parents offer behavioral and emotional advice. They give opportunity for a fair bit of debate, compromise, and negotiation, for instance, and explain rules or boundaries in a way that the youngster can comprehend. Negative discipline, such as reprimanding, shouting, exerting pressure, expressing dissatisfaction, or using physical force, is not included in gentle parenting.

Does The Gentle Parenting Approach Work?

Although the phrase "gentle parenting" has evolved to refer to all beneficial parenting techniques, its impact on children's development has not been well investigated. Decades of child development research, however, has supported both the authoritative parenting style and parenting practices that are associated with the elements of gentle parenting.

Studies On The Empathy Of Parents

• Secure attachment, a sound emotional relationship between a parent and their child, depends on parental empathy. Securely attached infants perceive their caregiver as being approachable and attentive to their needs. This encourages emotions of safety and security, emotional control, self-assurance, and independence when traveling. Typically, insecurely attached infants struggle in these developmental domains and exhibit avoidance or anxiety when interacting with others. Building a solid connection is facilitated by sensitive and responsive parenting, which includes lovingly and consistently reacting to a baby's cries and motions. On the other hand, inconsistent and callous parenting is linked to insecure attachment.

• A particularly crucial element of caregiver sensitivity is mind-mindedness, which refers to actions that recognize and decipher an infant's inner mental processes. A mind-minded caregiver, for instance, can utilize the kid's behaviors to deduce if they are interested in or bored with a toy while also making mental health comments (for instance, if the child goes for a ball, the parent might ask, "Oh, do you like playing with this ball?"). Therefore, parental understanding of their child's wants, feelings, and ideas is essential for a stable bond.

• Prosocial conduct and social ability are also aided by parental empathy. Lower aggressiveness and more empathy are associated with mothers who pay attention to their kids' mental health. Children in school also benefit from parental empathy, which helps to lessen unpleasant emotions like rage.

• Significantly, acknowledging and valuing both happy and unpleasant emotions is one of the advantages of parental empathy. Reprimanding or downplaying a child's emotions, including unpleasant ones like fear, grief, or rage, can cause aggressive behavior, trouble adjusting to stress, and problems with social skills.

Studies On Parents' Comprehension

• Understanding child development might be intimidating for parents because there is a lot to learn! The development of the brain is a key component of the developmental timeline. Kids and young adults get better at controlling their emotions and impulses as their brains grow from infancy to adolescence and even early adulthood. The ability of a kid to deliberately guide and regulate their attention and behavior, blocking and activating reactions as required and appropriate, is particularly significant throughout the toddler and preschool years. When a youngster refrains from assaulting a friend out of anger or pays attention to the instructor in spite of close students' distracting chatter, for instance, they are demonstrating effortful control.

• Like other areas of development, brain growth is influenced by both "nature" and "nurture," which results in enhanced self-control and regulation. A major impact is played by biological variables including maturation and heredity. As a result, parents must adjust their expectations for their child's behavioral and emotional control to suit their developmental stage. A young kid (and even a teenager) shouldn't be expected to easily control their emotions and behaviors, just as one wouldn't expect a newborn to walk or talk owing to developmental immaturity.

• The environment has a significant impact on how children's brains grow as well. Greater gains in self-control are linked to sensitive (gentle or authoritative) parenting, as well as play and educational opportunities that foster autonomy and control (such as cooperative games).

• Consequently, parental awareness entails being aware of both what is reasonable for their child's age and what they can do to foster and promote that growth.

Studies On The Reverence Of Parents

• Authoritative parenting is fundamentally based on parental respect, which is achieved by striking a balance between demands and discipline and warmth and responsiveness. Youngsters learn in an environment that is safe, encouraging, and values their uniqueness and voice. Authoritative parenting is linked to several favorable developmental outcomes and has long been considered the gold standard of parenting approaches. Children who get too lenient (permissive/indulgent) or too severe (authoritarian) of parenting are more likely to experience emotional and behavioral problems, including drug abuse and internalizing symptoms (e.g., anxiety, withdrawal).

• Inductive discipline is a useful authoritative parenting technique that substitutes conversation and explanation for punishment. To explain to a small child why they shouldn't strike their sibling, for instance, a parent may say, "Ow, that hurts your sister," using language that is suitable for their age. Please, use gentle hands. Inductive discipline can involve asking the child to explain the reasons behind their behavior (e.g., "Are you angry because she took your toy?") or helping them identify alternative behaviors (e.g., "When you're mad you can squeeze your hands into a ball or stomp your feet instead of hitting your sister"). In order to support the child's autonomy in making decisions and to respect their feelings, negotiation can also be used (e.g., "Would it be okay if you gave your sister a turn when you're done playing with the toy?").

• Warmth and guidance are combined with a regular framework and expectations in inductive discipline to assist develop self-awareness and self-control. As a result, inductive discipline encourages prosocial behavior like empathy and is linked to behavioral, social, and academic adjustment.

How To Be A Kind Parent

A foundation that can be applied to a range of particular parenting situations is created by the gentle parenting elements of empathy, respect, and understanding as well as the authoritative balance of responsiveness and demandingness (i.e., parental warmth and sensitivity coupled with a reasonable degree of control and discipline). The main goals of gentle parenting are to provide a kid with behavioral and coping skills while also recognizing and valuing their ideas and feelings. While they are firm in their rules and procedures, gentle parents are also adaptable and prepared to make reasonable concessions.

A Kind Example Of Parenting

Consider a scenario where a parent is unsure of how much screen time to let their child since the youngster constantly requests to view or interact with various screen media and becomes agitated when denied. A caring parent may be able to relate to their child's interest in screen media, learn more about professional media recommendations (such as guidelines for quantity and quality, parent monitoring, and controls), and collaborate with their child to create a media schedule and plan that satisfies both their needs and their parents' guidelines. To encourage controlled responses during this schedule shift, this might involve a strategy for turning off displays when allotted media time is up (e.g., utilizing a visible timer or 5-minute notice to minimize tantrums or demands for extra viewing time).

The parent may also think about how to make the most of screen-free time by including family activities, promoting outdoor play, and providing other enrichment opportunities that support child development and parent-child relationships. As the kid grows or new circumstances present itself, the understanding parent may examine and modify the media schedule on a regular basis.

Read Also: Three Techniques to Help Kids Stay Focused

Avoiding Penalties And Not Depending On Incentives

Gentle parenting does not primarily rely on rewards, just as it does not use punishment. External monetary rewards, like a little prize, have little effect and actually lessen the chance of the behavior the parent is trying to promote. Rewards work against intrinsic motivation, which is the desire of a youngster to do something because it is good or delightful in and of itself. Rewarding prosocial actions such as sharing, for instance, reduces the likelihood that the youngster will engage in those behaviors in the future.

Applying Constructive Criticism

Gentle parenting naturally offers positive reinforcement in the form of warmth, compassion, connection, and gentle encouragement instead of rewards. In addition, parents have the power to uplift and encourage their children in ways that foster prosocial attitudes, self-control, and confidence. Specifically, praise for the process (e.g., "You were really working hard on that puzzle") works better than praise for the individual (e.g., "You are so good at puzzles!"). Specific feedback, such as process praise, teaches kids how to approach and persevere through a job. Similar to cash rewards, praise from others can lower intrinsic motivation in children by teaching them that their value is determined by how well they do.

Over Time, Using Gentle Parenting As A Strategy

Crucially, every parenting strategy that works needs to be flexible, persistent, and patient. It takes more than gentle parenting to instantly change a child's behavior. Being a parent is a lengthy game, and learning and growth in children call for a lot of repetition. Over time, parents also change and modify the way they parent. It takes ongoing education to comprehend your child as they progress through different developmental phases. Though they are dedicated to learning and growing with their kid, gentle parents do not necessarily need to be experts on every aspect of their child's development at first.

The Drawbacks And Restrictions Of The Gentle Parenting Approach

1. Largely Concentrates On Young Toddlers

One drawback of the popular literature on gentle parenting is that, while it does touch on physical development (e.g., feeding practices), it largely concentrates on parenting young children (birth to seven years) in the domains of social and emotional development. Nonetheless, a wealth of studies on authoritative parenting shows how beneficial and applicable it is for kids and teenagers in school. Gentle parents, for instance, may set rules on housework, curfews, relationships with peers and partners, and other matters, but they should also change and adjust these rules based on their child's developmental stage and their own discussion of the reasons behind them.

Moreover, studies have demonstrated the advantages of authoritative parenting for other domains of development, including learning, academic performance, and cognition. When it comes to their child's age, authoritative parents help and scaffold learning rather than taking over or giving too much guidance. By doing this, they encourage autonomous research and problem-solving.

2. Perhaps Not Applicable To Every Youngster

Whether a parenting strategy works for all kids in all situations is a crucial topic to consider. The effectiveness of the gentle parenting style in relation to various individual or environmental characteristics is not extensively discussed in the literature; nevertheless, research on authoritative parenting offers valuable context. A child's temperament, which differs on several dimensions including fearfulness, emotional reactivity, and effortful control, is one child-specific characteristic to take into account. Regardless of temperament, authoritative parenting works, and it especially helps kids with more "difficult" temperaments.

However, temperament and parenting have a complicated relationship. It might involve bidirectional effects, where parenting is influenced by the conduct of the children, and it can vary based on other factors, such the gender of the children or genetic predispositions. For example, parents who attempt to control or influence their child's emotions are more likely to respond negatively emotional children (e.g., easily frustrated or scared) by showing high amounts of negative emotionality. As such, the process of embracing and upholding a certain parenting approach may vary based on the characteristics of the kid and the family.

3. Might Differ Depending On The Cultural And Socioeconomic Situation

Parenting styles can also differ depending on the cultural and socioeconomic setting. According to certain studies, children's development benefits from the authoritative style in a variety of sociocultural settings. But authoritative parenting is a bit of an aberration, seen mostly in Western societies. In many Eastern cultures, as well as in American households that belong to racial or ethnic minorities or have lower financial standing, authoritarian parenting is the norm. Therefore, when deciding on the "best" style, one must take into account the importance of both environmental and cultural values, such as deference to authority and neighborhood safety.

In various sociocultural situations, the objectives and tenets of the authoritative parenting style may also result in differing parenting actions. Strict curfews, for instance, might be suitably protective (authoritative) in some situations but too controlling (authoritarian) in others. As a result, it's critical to take social settings and cultural norms into account while evaluating parenting efficacy or instructing parents on authoritative or gentle parenting techniques.

4. Can Put More Strain On The Caregiver

Allowing errors and letting go of the expectation to be the "perfect" parent are the last challenges facing every parent. In certain circumstances, such as when your child is going to step onto a busy roadway or touch a hot flame, it may be necessary to temporarily enforce tough parenting. Gentle parenting may be incorporated following the occurrence through explanation and conversation. Gentle parenting is something that parents may find difficult to maintain in non-emergency scenarios, like the evening after a demanding day.

Rather than perceiving this as inadequate parenting, it might be perceived as a chance to reevaluate and adjust as necessary. In order to manage stress, a parent may need to find ways to co-parent, find ways to practice self-care, or find educational materials to help them understand their child's needs and behaviors at this age and modify their approach to parenting accordingly. As your child grows, give yourself the space to grow as a parent, realizing that it's a talent that can be improved with practice.