Tips for Raising Independent Children

It begins when your youngster goes for a solo ride around the block on his balance bike. He is going to his first sleepover a few years later.

When your adolescent daughter goes on her first date, it continues. Before you know it, she's driving off to college and you're waving good-bye.

Every parent knows the pattern, and it never gets any simpler.

Letting go is a necessary part of loving our kids.

When our kids are so reliant on us, we sometimes forget this in the midst of things.

It's difficult to see the young child in fire truck pajamas riding his bike to school or camping with his Cub Scouts. The fact that your daughter is now on her first dinner date after previously being in a high chair and throwing noodles about the kitchen is equally hard to comprehend.

However, if all goes as planned, we will have grown our kids to be self-sufficient in ten to twenty years.

What is the most effective method for teaching independence, though? Which resources can we use today to assist our children thrive outside of our sphere of influence in the future?

We are all about tools here at Positive Parenting Solutions. There are more than 36 of them in my online course, and they can help with practically every parenting situation. We'll go over some of them here, and our FREE PARENTING CLASS will teach you even more.

However, good parenting is also a concept that inherently gives children the tools they need to become more independent.

Nevertheless, it's not always easy to make sure our children will thrive in the soon-to-be actual world.

1. Don’t Do For Your Kids What They Can Do For Themselves

• It starts with just giving assistance. It may be completing their academic assignments, tying their shoes, or pouring their milk. Then we continue to assist.

• Soon, kids either don't think they can do it themselves or want us to help.

• Helping our children is a big component of our work description. We're expected to lead drowsy children to their cozy, warm beds and assist toddlers in putting on their winter jackets. Teenagers who are still developing their decision-making skills should be subject to curfews.

• However, a habit of doing for children what they can do for themselves on a daily basis makes them even more dependent on us.

• Moving our children from total reliance to complete independence is our main responsibility as caretakers, according to Adlerian Psychology, the foundation of healthy parenting. We hinder their advancement and make our life more difficult if we don't.

• It's often tempting to do things for our children, either out of altruism or perhaps just to finish the chore more quickly. However, the greatest advise I can give you is to foster self-sufficiency and fight this desire.

2. Focus on Family Contributions

• Each family member contributes significantly to the smooth operation of the home.

• There are fundamental abilities that a functioning adult will require if we are to produce self-sufficient children. Children may save time and training later by learning how to make healthy meals, tidy the house, and change a baby sister's diaper now.

• When we expect children to participate in age-appropriate ways, from tidying up toys to doing their clothes, they come to understand how important they are to the family unit. This boosts their self-esteem and motivates them to contribute even more!

• Labeling these jobs as "Family Contributions" also helps, as the word "chores" is more commonly linked with tedious, unappealing, and resentful labor. Additionally, by using different terminology, we emphasize that our kids' efforts serve a bigger goal.

• Children who practice completing contributions will be proficient in home economics once they are on their own. After all, we are not born with the ability to clean a bathroom. Neither is preparing a nutritious, unpackaged supper. It's something that requires practice and education!

• Furthermore, even while we want our children to excel in their future careers, let's face it: they are at a disadvantage if their homes are filthy and they are incapable of cooking even a simple meal.

3. Maintain a Decision-Rich Environment

• There are hundreds of options every single day. Pasta or pizza? Blue or red skirt? Cello or violin? Two or four years of college?

• Giving our kids the freedom to make decisions that are suitable for their age throughout the day helps them feel in charge of their life. And—you guessed it. Additionally, decisions result in autonomous thought and behavior.

• Children need to practice making decisions and balancing advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, they accept responsibility for their decisions when they make them on their own. They learn from their poor choices and are unable to place the blame elsewhere.

• The secret is to integrate decision-making into your family's daily routine and surroundings. This might be anything from allowing your 12-year-old organize her after-school schedule to keeping a basket filled with nutritious foods for your 4-year-old.

• It's not a free-for-all; you'll make the decisions and have the last word. However, by intentionally including decision-making chances into every day, your children will become accustomed to the idea that they will be thinking independently—not only now, but also when they are grown and independent.

Read Also: Ten Things Parents Can Do to Support Their Kids

4. Encourage Effort and Celebrate Failure!

• That thing about perfection? Kids become really anxious about it, and it's overrated. Some children don't even attempt because they are so trapped in their dread of failing.

• Consider how this may occur in the real world, when your child would have to take chances. They must be ready for disappointment and ready to grow from it, whether they are bidding on their first house, applying to colleges, or interviewing for employment.

• Focus on the quality of their EFFORTS while they are still living with you in order to assist them in overcoming this when they become self-sufficient adults.

• Your son's diligence is what matters if he studied diligently for his biology test and still received a C. It's admirable that your potty-training kid took steps (literally) in the right direction even if she didn't reach the toilet in time.

• To help children develop their sense of independence without feeling pressured to achieve or be flawless, we may also concentrate on efforts by encouraging them to be creative, try new things, and step outside of their comfort zones. The outcome is never the main focus of encouragement.

5. Promote Problem Solving

• It's so difficult to resist the urge as parents to step in and solve our children's difficulties. However, this includes problem-solving when it comes to motivating kids to take initiative!

• Instead, we can help them by allowing them to come up with good ideas.

• Asking our children "How?" inquiries is one method to encourage this.

• "Given that you took your sister's action figure, how could you help her feel better?"

• "How are you going to ensure that you rise in time to board the bus?"

We cannot give children all the solutions if we want them to think independently in the future, just like in a decision-rich environment. We may let them know that while we're open to recommendations or help, it's ideal for them to come to their own decisions.