3 Tips to Tame the Terrible Twos
Its nice weather, you are having your cup of coffee outside your mother-in-law’s house while your 18 months old child is happily holding a toy in the garden. She’s been absolutely pleased just smelling the flowers…up till now, that is. She dips her small hands into the earth and pulls up a gorgeous petunia. “No, Sweetie!” you call to her. “Please don’t hurt Grandma’s flowers.” Her dark eyes contact yours. Normally those lovely eyes are the epitome of innocence, but now they darken mischievously. She leans down once again and grasps another blossom, wrenching it from the dirt. Your jaw drops–you’re dumbfounded!
What Drives The Terrible Twos?
Before we get into how you may manage the terrible twos, let’s speak about the driving causes behind the conduct so commonly linked to this specific age.
A Need for Attention and Power
Once their bodily requirements have been addressed, youngsters are hard-wired to desire to meet their emotional demands. Specifically, kids need to experience a strong feeling of connection and significance in their family.
In other words, kids unconsciously seek our attention and yearn to have a feeling of age-appropriate authority and control over their own life. Of course, this all becomes quite clear by their second year.
Since no child can say, “Hey, I’m feeling a need for your attention,” or “I need to feel in control for a little while,” it’s our duty to proactively address each of these wants in constructive ways. If we don’t, our children will instinctively turn to less desirable actions to acquire what they desire.
A Lack of Verbal Skills
Around age two, your child’s speech and language skills begin to take off at lightening pace. Still, it’s no surprise that while occasionally incredibly conversational, he may be a bit hard to understand.
Sure, he may know how to ask for milk or tell you he loves you, but when it comes to communicating more complicated feelings, he is only at the beginning of his learning adventure.
This is why we so frequently witness our tiny ones act out in fits of frustration. They just can’t get their point across.
You may witness your kid kicking and screaming on the kitchen floor and pass it off as another nasty side-effect of the terrible twos, but in truth, he wants a different food and doesn’t know how else to tell you.
Parental Misunderstanding
The terrible twos aren’t simply a kid concern. Parents play an equal part in both the positive and the unpleasant situations.
One error I often see is characterizing a 2-year-old’s yearning for independence as “misbehavior,” when in reality, things are far less black-and-white. What may appear like purposeful rebellion is most likely her approach of testing limits and figuring out where she may have a bit more power and influence.
When we seek to restrict or penalize this inquisitive activity, this is when the issues actually begin.
5 Tips to Tame the Terrible Twos
Tip 1: Fill Their Attention Bucket
As I indicated before, children desire and need attention and will seek that attention–positive or negative–by any means available.
Let’s imagine you’ve had a full morning of working remotely and finishing off duties around the house. In an effort to obtain some peace and quiet, you’ve dropped your little man in front of the TV so you could finish off your responsibilities.
Then, as soon as you are on your final work call, he walks right on into your office and begins demanding for food and a new program.
You try to soothe him down via whispers and a promise of going to the park later.
But nothing works. And there in your office, in the middle of the call, he throws an incredible tantrum.
Once you’re off the phone, it may be tempting to yell back at him or threaten punishment, but try not to continue down that route.
Tip 2: Fill Their Power Bucket
When it comes to toddler behavior, paying positive attention is crucial but goes hand-in-hand with providing positive power. Your child is not a baby anymore and wants to do more for himself, but he still has problems letting you know that.
Just as you need to fill his attention bucket, you’ll need to supply his demand for positive power.
One of the greatest ways you can achieve that is to establish what we call a Decision-Rich Environment.
This excellent gadget is so easy to use and has a strong effect. Simply take a minute and think about the usual routine the two of you share. Then, ask yourself how you can lose a little authority and control.
At age two, this may be enabling him to select between his blue sneakers or his red sandals. Does he want oatmeal or cereal for breakfast? Should you take a walk to the park before sleep or after?
Read Also: 5 Ways to Connect With Your Child
Tip 3: Take Time for Training
Maybe you dread taking your 2-year-old to the grocery store because you know how she behaves up in the checkout line. Or perhaps you worry about going to playdates because she constantly throws a fuss when you say it’s time to go.
Whatever the matter may be, I entirely understand your frustration–and your terror! That’s why I advise you to Take Time for Training.
Not only do tiny ones thrive on routine, but they also benefit from having a clear idea of what to expect before performing it.
Wherever you may be going–the grocery store, doctor, church–make sure to spend a little time prior talking about what they may anticipate AND what you expect of them.
“Today we are going to the store just for milk. We will not be obtaining any sweet snacks during our stay. I know you can be calm even if we won’t get a treat.”