Pregnant Woman Accuses Spouse of Being Insensitive
Before the original poster (OP) and his wife got married, she was married to her high school sweetheart who died in an accident
The couple, now expecting their first child together, found out they were having a boy.
OP's wife accuses him of being insensitive for not naming a son after his deceased ex, admitted first child.
The original poster (OP) and his wife are expecting their first child. OP's wife has already been married once and this is where the conflict arises.
“Before my wife Anna (30f) and I (30m) let’s get together, she was before she married Caleb. They were high school sweethearts, married when they were 20, and at 23 he was hit by a drunk driver and died," OP wrote.
After five years of cohabitation and two years of marriage, OP was surprised when Caleb's name came up while they were discussing their son's names.
"We are: "You We" We will have a child soon and have agreed on a name. “However, she wants her middle name to be Caleb, in honour of her late husband," she explained.
“I told her that I felt uncomfortable because she is now married to me and that we should not name our child after her previous partner,”
"He said" that Caleb was a very important man." It was part of his life and he would not give up that middle name. He said that since our son would have had my surname, he should have been able to choose a middle name.
“We are at a dead end and we cannot accept it. She calls me insensitive and I know how important Caleb is to her,” he concluded, asking if that wasn't true
Commenters agree that OP was right because she wasn't comfortable with the idea.
“There are a billion names to choose from. There are also a billion ways to honour your first husband. There is no need to combine these two activities,” one commenter wrote.
Another commenter pointed out that while OP is not required to “agree with the idea of his wife, he may still be sensitive to his pain.
"He probably feels a lot of emotions returning, excitement and joy, but also guilt and pain, because she knows she's going to have a baby, even though he never had the chance, and she's very excited about It." they wrote.
"This doesn't mean he loves you any less or wants to act like you're his son or anything like that. He feels the need to state that he doesn't she has forgotten neither him nor the life they had because he is still with you."
It's good that the commenter agrees with this OP, they added: "But you are the husband of a widow. Grief is complex and often less rational. You are not stupid for not wanting to name your child, but you need to have empathy and understand why he is stuck in this situation." situation."